i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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