yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
