I puked a lego.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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