arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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