Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
