Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
