i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
