This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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