hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
