Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
