So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
