u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
a search helicopter?!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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