You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
