That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
