How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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