Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Drake has all the answers
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
