I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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