Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
