when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
