We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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