My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
