Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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