She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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