we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
