It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
