Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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