it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
