I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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