Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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