none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
