i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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