And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
