How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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