just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Randomize
