theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
