I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
