Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
