Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
