he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Terrible idea I love it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
