i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
