Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Send help, water and tortillas.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
