She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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