I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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