1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
