also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
