Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
