I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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