She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
