If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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