Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
