I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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