Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
